I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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