bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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