Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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