Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
