Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
