So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
