You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
