i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
