Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
