I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
