Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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