In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Where is the hickey?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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