someone threw a dead crab at me
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
