I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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