no, he came in my armpit
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
