If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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