i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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