How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
