Don't you send me to vm
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
