omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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