I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
