I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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