all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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