Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
The best revenge is premature balding
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
