Where are you?
In a non slutty way
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
