Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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