I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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