So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
