Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
