Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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