yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
