Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
