I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
