Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize