were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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