I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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