my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
