hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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