So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize