Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
