I want to walk on stilts...naked
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
