I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
