I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize