We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Randomize
