DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
the condom got lost in my hair
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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