Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
