honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
