i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
