My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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