problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I can text with my tongue
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
