is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
