I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
