Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
