pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
