sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
