If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
