I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Boobs speak an international language.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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