He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
