Betty ford says i'm here all night
It's just like the Real World with babies
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
