Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
honey bunches of taint.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
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