I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize