Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Randomize
