Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize