I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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