You really coming over, don't trick.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
