I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
