Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
