I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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