Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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