somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize