I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
