Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
