You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize