if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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