after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Randomize
