It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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