goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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