my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
