rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My ass is underappreciated
I need water and some morals
Randomize
