RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Randomize
