i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I want a musical about memes.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
