I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
