go do what you do best...puke behind churches
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize