i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
