dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I deserve this hangover.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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