What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
