My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Randomize
