o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
