fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
