This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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