so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
