So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
