so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
