I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
