Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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