meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
kristin has been a bad kristin
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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