I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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