No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You can't just leave with hair like that
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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