you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
