shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
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