Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
