i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize