there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
