textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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