i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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