Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
