My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
