Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
