Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
