I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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